Friday, June 29, 2012
here's the cast i used for fabricating the special tray.
 |
| and that's my special tray sitting on the cast (: this took me ages to do also ): i just have no talent with polishing and smoothening and making things pretty )): ppl with aesthetic needs should seriously not come to me in future omg. D: |
|
 |
| Immediate denture! (: haha i died trying to flame the wax and polish it bleahh. at least this is pretty smooth and shiny now! (: i rmbr this was done last yr in Nov, and i was rushing like hell cos it was the last day of sch and i needed to finish my RP schedule that day :/ |
 |
| Replaced canine (: |
and that's me haha in the simlab (: i miss that place haha! and that's junhui next to me, helping me with my provi for the single crowns module (: another crazy module man, i just rushed thru the whole thing and now i'm paying the price for rushing blindly haha.. still haven't managed to pass my single crowns competency yet )): oh well, next retest is this Tues! (: so fast right omg, it's almost like a welcome back to sch gift, since it's on the 2nd day of sch -.- well i'll just do my best and hope i pass (:
haha so i have been reading some blogs by dental students, and i feel slightly better knowing that life as a dental student sucks quite badly in general, even in other countries!! (: we're not the only dental sch where students have to do their own lab work lol :p
anw, i have been inspired by some students haha cos they really take such great pride in their work omg, and they've been uploading photos of their work and it's really pretty omg, i dunno how they do it, but i'm gonna try and reach that standard too! (:
and i shall upload some pics here too! (: maybe next time it will serve as a source of comfort for future dental students who constantly feel inadequate and think that their work is not good enough. (: Also it's gonna help me track my progress in sch haha, cos hopefully, the pictures i post will just get prettier and prettier haha :D
 |
| That's my cast with mounted extracted teeth for the enamel modifications project during RP in yr 2. (: i didn't actually mount it myself haha, my senior mounted it for me! (: she's the sweetest hehe (: |
 |
| This pic really sucks, but that's the cingulum rest seat that i prepped on the canine haha. (: |
|
|
and these are pics of my denture, after i was done repairing them! (: haha :D they fit nicely on the cast (: took me so long to adjust it until it fit omg.
 |
| I really hate that dark pink spot on the denture gosh, it's an eyesore. ): it's cos the cold-cure resin that i used for the repair is a slightly different shade from the original denture resin ugh. |
|
|
|
Friday, June 22, 2012
i know i said i wouldn't keep blogging negative and angsty/depressing stuff here, but i just can't help it this time, omg. am feeling damn bloody irritated right now and i just really really have to get it out of my system or i might just explode.
See, here's the thing. i might look like this sunshine-y girl just because i smile most of the time and exude this cheerful aura most of the time, BUT i'm not. ok. because half the time i'm not actually feeling what i look like i'm feel. I'm either angsty, or depressed. -.- it's just, maybe i have some problem with facial expressions or sth, haha i just can't seem to express my innermost feelings. so.
anw today was going swimmingly, until BAM 7 plus in the evening, when my mom goes "so your dad was right you know, you really can spend one whole day at home without cleaning the dishes. even one cereal bowl lying there also cannot clean. your dad said so alr ytd, then today i come back and see. wa really!"
k get this, i'm not mad at getting criticised for not cleaning the dishes. because let's face it, i'm reasonable, and i
know i didn't clean the dishes, so alright fair enough. what REALLY gets me so effing mad is that, he is just so damn scared of being the bad guy, and he's always complaining about me behind my back to my mom, and in the end my mom always has to be the one who gives me the feedback. If you're a man at all, why don't you just man up and tell me in my face? you don't have to be scared of ruining your image, because really,
what is there left to be ruined?
i know this sounds like a minor issue. It is, really. but when you've got all these minor issues popping up all the time, and i mean
all the time, since we live together yeah, it gets really really unbearable. like what i updated on fb, yes i REALLY REALLY WISH I SUFFOCATED MYSELF TO DEATH when i had the chance damnit. it's really unbearable being your effing daughter sometimes, if you really treat me like it. i think you really have a problem with me. and i can also tell that you never really wanted me in the first place.
Probably you're the sort of pet owner who buys pets only on a whim, simply cos they were cute as a kitten/puppy. But when they grow old and become less cute, you treat them more as a liability than a pet to love and care for. Yeah i know we had loads of spiffing times when i was young, because like you constantly remind me, "You were so cute back then you know, so nice to play with!" yeah so i'm not cute now, but you don't have to constantly put me down, constantly refuse to pay for anything as long as it involves me (
this, you're quite open about though!! respect! -.- ), constantly complain that i'm a waste of money, constantly insinuate that i'm gonna dump you in an old folk's home when you're old (now THIS is really tempting, not because i wanna shirk my responsibilities as a daughter but because of the way you've been treating me and making me feel oh-so-loved ) constantly mock me at any chance you can get, eg. when i stay at home cos it's my effing sch break ("wah someone is
enjoying life ah", in that sardonic tone. would you rather i be depressed and negative just like you?) or when i go out ("going out again ah?! why always go out ah?" uh maybe cos when i'm not out, i'm at home
enjoying life? which do you prefer?! )
there are too many instances to support my statement why i feel you never wanted a kid in the first place. too many. I just felt like, maybe you could have been kinder to me and just not agreed to have a kid in the first place. It's better than having a kid and making her feel unwanted.
and this has nothing to do with the way you treat me, but you're so goddamned negative and pessimistic about everything, it's true that you have this really toxic mentality. and it's getting to me. It's making me damn easily angsty and depressed too. so pls stop. because right now, sch is not easy for me, and if you're gonna be this impossible, home is not gonna be an easy place for me to be too. life is not gonna be easy. and i'm always so tempted to off myself that one day, don't be surprised to find a big fat suicide note waiting for you. because you are one of those who definitely deserve a nice long suicide note, if i had to get down to writing them.
Monday, June 18, 2012
k, simply because i love this so much, here's the 2nd movt of Bach Double violin concerto in D minor ((((:
and this is the 1st movt! (:
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Yay i'm here to blog about my little gig at esplanade concourse yesterday and today (: it was a truly memorable experience!! :D I'm really glad I agreed to play piano accompaniment for those few pieces hehe even though i was kinda stressed along the way cos of lack of time to practice and cope with sch work and all :/ but it was truly awesome, cos it gave me one last chance to step onto the stage and perform once again (: i really miss that feeling haha... the butterflies in my stomach before my item begins, and that heady adrenaline rush and the sound of blood pounding in my ears as i bow to the sound of applause at the end of the item (: haha it's really hard to describe that feeling, but let's just say it feels really really good, and really uplifting. :D
and i'm glad that i made some new friends through this thing! (: the NUSHO members are all really nice and friendly, and so passionate about their music! it kinda makes me regret not putting in even more of myself into my music when i was still playing in RJ harmoc haha. and during RG strings days also. hehh. Music always always sounds better when you give your all, and really just
feel the music, instead of simply playing notes (which is something i'm guilty of when i'm tired or sian).
And the thing about music is that, if you play it just right, you can really feel it like it's almost tangible... it's a very pleasurable feeling that kinda reaches down to the depths of your soul. (: that's how i felt when i played 2nd movt of Bach Double Violin Concerto in D minor. it's a reallyyyyy beautiful piece, so beautiful that mere words would not do it justice. it's like, soothing, melodious, rich and expressive all at the same time. ((: I'm glad that we decided to change our programme to accomodate this hehe(even though it was really last min heh cos we only decided on Fri that we'd perform 2nd movt instead of 1st movt for Sat, omg 1 day's notice!!) The audience really deserves to know what a beautiful piece of work this is. I think most people have not heard this movt before, as it always tends to get overshadowed by the widely popular 1st movt. wow i really miss this piece alr hehe D:
I enjoyed playing 1st movt of double violin concerto too! (: but it was a different sort of liking i guess! (: I liked this movt mostly because it's really typical baroque style, which i LOVE ABSOLUTELY ((: and it's energetic and vivacious and well, beautiful too, but a different sort of beautiful from the 2nd movt (: i still prefer playing the violin for this though, but the piano part was great too haha, a new perspective into the movt la. If i had not played for this, I would not have realised that the piano actually has a large chunk of the main melody too! (: the beginning theme by the 2nd violin reappears in the bass line of the piano part (: Totally did not realise it before this, even though i've heard the movt like a million times.
I also accompanied Bachanalia and Viva Vivaldi, both by James Moody. Apparently he's quite a well-established composer in the harmoc scene. (: I didn't really like these 2 pieces v much at first, but slowly grew to appreciate them the more i played them. I really like the middle portion of Viva Vivaldi though haha, the andante portion. (: It's again the expressive sort hehe (: ahhhh i think i'm a sucker for slow music (: prob cos it allows the player quite a lot of room for expressiveness ((:
I also really like all the soloists I performed with hehe they're all really nice and so so focused on playing the music
right [i.e. just the way the composer would have wanted it to be] (: respect!! haha xD and i'm realllyyy thankful to Grace for inviting me to play for this event (: it was truly a great opportunity for me to gain more exposure and also to calm my stressed mind from sch and all ((:
I'm having concert hangover again! AHHH! ): i know how i always think that my most recent performance is gonna be my last one, ever, but that's usually not the case because more opportunities will present themself at a later time. Well this time i really really feel like this is gonna be my last gig ))): really hope more opportunities come along later! (: Putting up a performance is hard work, but it's worth it, because the satisfaction after the performance is indescribably great (((:
anyway, good job NUSHO! (: and thanks for all the wonderful memories ((:
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
today i shall blog about depression and suicide in students haha. I've been hearing quite a bit of things about it, so i decided to do some reading myself, since i'm kinda free, and because the topic is pretty interesting and relevant. Also, i wanna see if i'm still capable of critical thinking and argumentative logic, hehe (: just to make sure my brain isn't completely chock-full of plaster of paris and denture base resin yet hahaha :p
basically, i've been hearing stuff like "dentists are one of the professions with the highest suicide rate in the world", not just from friends, but also from some assessors. And i'm thinking, that is one hell of a dangerous statement to make. I don't personally know of any dentists who committed suicide, although i did hear of one final year NUS dental student jumping off a building some years back. Apparently the reason for most suicides in these cases are the high stress levels we encounter in our jobs? and apparently dentists are very vulnerable to depression, as are most people in medicine and law. haha i don't know if this depression is again related to stress or what, but it's kinda worrying i feel.
and I'll admit that most of the time i'm really depressed, and some days i do have suicidal thoughts lol, but i also know (at least, at this point of time) that i will not really off myself, cause i feel that there's still some things to live for, no matter how little, but they still exist. haha.
the thing is that, all these people who are committing suicide here and there, do they really have nothing whatsoever to live for? What really drives them to commit suicide?
I'm quoting this off a website: "An article published in the
Journal of the Canadian Dental Association
claims that many dentists are at risk of suffering from a chronic mood
disorder known as dysthymia. It's a condition the Université de Montréal
Department of Dentistry is fighting - preventively.
Dysthymia is characterized by
loss
of appetite, low levels of energy, desperation, excessive anger, social
withdrawal and working long hours to compensate for declining
performance, troubles in concentration, guilt and suicidal thoughts."
There was also this longitudinal study done on dental students from Newcastle, which is too lengthy to quote here, but basically it found that dental students drink and smoke and abuse drugs, at dangerously high levels throughout dental school, but this dropped once they graduated and became practising dentists.
I think i should be reading more studies, but i'm lazy haha. but anyway the above 2 studies just mention that dentists are at risk of depression and substance abuse blah blah, prob due to stress.
Now, to draw the link between stress, depression and suicide.
There's this forum on yahoo answers, haha lots of interesting answers there. Some people attribute it to the mercury in the amalgams that we use.I'm not very sure about this, but in Singapore at least, amalgams are supposed to be safe, cos the mercury content is not really dangerously high. Plus mercury has to be in the vapour form, for it to really get absorbed into our neurons, but we're wearing masks most of the time, so i think that kind of limits the amount of mercury vapour entering our brain already, thankfully haha (:
and also, some patients really really hate us, cos "we cause so much
pain" (WTH? if you had taken care of your own teeth in the first place,
you'd only need a simple scaling and polishing which is relatively pain
free i assure you. ) and we sometimes are on the receiving end of
comments like "I really hate the dentist." or "I really rather not be
here". haha k so apparently that makes dentists pretty depressed in the
long run. Well honestly, I speak for myself when i say that such
comments from patients prob wouldn't affect me so much, because it's
just their problem, and I'm not really gonna care if you hate me or
what, I'm just gonna do my job right, and then you can go. well, but
then again, maybe that's easier said than done la. I haven't personally
come across any such patients, and right now, all of patients that i'm
seeing in school are really sweet and understanding.
Some people say that we are not appreciated by society in general, and like, we've studied medical subjects in sch and earned the title "Dr" but most people would still scoff at it, cos we're ultimately not medical doctors per se, and medical doctors still tend to be held in higher esteem then dentists. I think that's a pretty olden-day sort of logic, because in today's society, I would like to believe that dentists are given pretty much the same amount of respect as medical doctors? At least this is so in the Scandinavian countries, and in Canada and Europe. I don't know if this is the case in States. In Singapore, sadly I think most people still believe that it is more prestigious to be a medical doctor than a dentist. I don't think it's fair to compare professions like that la honestly, cos we all have our merits and we're all still serving society ultimately. It's not fair to say that we should be accorded a lower level of respect simply because we don't save lives and we earn more money than medical doctors(??? I put many question marks there, because this is really debatable, as it ultimately depends on where you decide to work in future, and whether you specialise, and what you specialise in, etc.) And i'll say that even if we earn more money than the average doctor, please think of the sacrifice we have to make when our eyesight and hearing goes prematurely, and our spines deteriorate, all from doing the lowly work that we always do, while trying to cause pain to our patients, yeah. So basically, I'll have you know that if you catch me when i'm in an angsty mood(which is very often these days) and try to tell me that dentists are not as respectable as medical doctors, you're definitely gonna earn yourself a slap in the face.
Some people have also suggested that the stress also comes from being overly perfectionist, since most dentists are apparently very perfectionistic people with type A personalities, and love being in control of everything. But because we're dealing with humans in our practice, not everything is within our control sometimes, and so when a case is not resolved just the way we want it to be, we get all upset and cranky and create additional stress on ourselves. Hmmm. that actually sounds pretty plausible to me. I'd like to mention first though, that there are also some dentists who are not very perfectionist( e.g. me) so prob in their case, the stress would come from others expecting you to be perfectionist, and expecting you to resolve the case perfectly. Or like when it comes to lab work, expecting every freaking thing to be perfect, yeah. well i can definitely see where the stress comes in here!!
Also, it's apparently true that dental students are more stressed out than graduated dentists. haha it's prob the school that kills us. heh this is something i've heard about also, anw. cos like, everyone says that dental sch sucks, but life after dental sch gets better (: well, i can't wait to graduate! (: 2 more years hehe xD
Also, apparently, dental school is one of the toughest things people can ever go through. (This is something that most graduated dentists say, so I'm guessing there's prob quite a lot of truth in that statement). Someone said that dental school is always making people feel inadequate most of the time (how true! ) and tired and stressed out, what with the crazy requirements and lack of time, and the constant need to rush all our work. Hmm. well then i guess it's not only in Singapore that dental sch sucks ttm then. Apparently some dental schools in UK require their students to do their own labwork too! (: oh joy haha, that makes me feel a tad better (:
There were also other reasons for suicide, but not very common. E.g. OMG, some dentist committed suicide cos he had chronic backache from his job, which made him really depressed all the time (guess the pain was really unbearable). omg right. I can't identify with that right now, as in, i have chronic backache too, but the pain is bearable, and i can't ever imagine wanting to commit suicide cos of that. poor guy seriously. k i must really take care of my back ):
One thing i learnt from reading all these articles online: It's important to take breaks to counter the stress and depression. The thing is that, this is really really easier said than done. We don't have the luxury of taking breaks because there's always always some work to be done, whether it is labwork, or catching up on technique work, or reading up on patient files, inking up charting forms, writing treatment plans, yada yada (i'm just listing the stuff that I find myself doing during lunch or early in the morning before sch starts) and even studying for tests sometimes D: basically, we don't get enough time for proper breaks! D: but yeah i agree that if we could actually manage to take a break every once in a while, it would do our mental health some good (: which is why i like to schedule meetups with friends sometimes in the middle of a crazy week haha, cos i know it'll definitely do me some good. The downside of this: extreme fatigue the next morning hahaha, which is combatted with like 3 cups of coffee (on bad days) and then followed by insomnia at night, and the caffeine cycle continues. lol.
Well i'm tired of reading all these articles already, so i'm just gonna stop here, even though I haven't reached any conclusive statement on the topic at hand hahaha. Let's just say that i can see where some of these suicidal and depressed people are coming from (not just that, I can really empathise with them sometimes) but well, there's always the light at the end of the tunnel (graduation! ) that we should totally look forward to, and maybe life would get better from there (:
I do think that i am really suffering from some degree of dysthymia, however, but i think it's not really critical at the moment, so i'm just gonna leave things be. I'm assuming that if the time comes when i get really really critically depressed/suicidal, someone will notice soon enough to save me. haha if not, then i guess it would have been a good idea for me to off myself anyway. heh. :D
another important message: TAKE BREAKS WHENEVER YOU CAN, PEOPLE! (:
Monday, June 11, 2012
had a bad nightmare last night omg. i dreamt that i was supposed to be having lesson but i went to the toilet for a while and then when i came out, one of the profs at sch said that they're kicking me out cos i'm totally not supposed to be here :O haha and then someone was moving all my stuff out of my locker :O and i think i struggled a bit then someone else took this fat needle and injected me with sedatives. and then i woke up cos of the pain...
haha what a gross nightmare right. highly disturbing omg. funny thing is that i could still feel the ache in my upper arm where the needle supposedly went in. haha probably i was sleeping on it for the whole night or sth so the spot was starting to ache.
oh well, 3 weeks of bliss ahead of me!! :D hehe yay (:
the last 2 days have been really great haha (: I'm in quite a good mood today so i decided to blog a bit here. i don't want my blog to be full of depressed blogposts haha, so today i'm gonna let the good old cheerful me take over ((:
sch term ended last fri! :D so happy omg. (: i haven't really finished all my labwork yet, and like still cannot pass crown competency, but i don't really care alr i guess? haha cos there will be time next term to finish! (actually not really la, but i will have to make time for it i guess!) i've been waiting so long for a break from sch, and it's finally here yay!! :D
so anw, ytd and today, we had 6w class gathering at changi village hotel (: haha the response was pretty awesome i feel, cos we managed to meet up with everyone who was in singapore, except for a few ppl la. and it seriously makes me very very happy to meet up with this bunch of friends haha. (: hope they feel the same too! :D
these 2 days i did not feel the depression seeping in at any point of time at all haha (: i felt like i was normal again omg (: but now as i'm typing this i think i can feel the depression coming again haha. it sometimes swoops down on me quite suddenly but i can always feel its presence around me, like a thick blanket of some sort lol.
anw back to the happy story (: so we basically spent a lot of time nua-ing in the hotel hehe (: like, sitting around in the room watching tv (cartoons that did not make much sense according to skoh HAHA ) playing cards (omg i srsly suck at daidee and bridge, damn it omg hahaha ) and basically slacking hahaha xD but i still had a lot of fun anw (: i guess it's nice not to be rushing around madly, or having to give not just a hoot, but like ten thousand hoots about every single freaking thing. hahaha (: it's nice knowing that sometimes, just sometimes, i get to live life just the way i like it, and not have to be subjected to some shitty criteria of some sort, or some standards which i sometimes don't agree with but still have to fulfill anw. -.- it's nice being able to catch my breath, and simply just
breathe. [really, sometimes in sch i feel like i'm gonna stop breathing completely. and the freaking mask doesn't help one bit at all. ]
and like what jn ah ma said, it's prob cos we're so familiar with each other alr that we can just say anything, like srsly
anything, and not have to worry so much about being judged or what. and it's like, i know at least that i can trust everyone completely, and no one is gonna backstab me or anything. i'm tired of watching my back all the time, and i'm glad that just for a few days i can let down my guard and be normal and relaxed. most of the time i feel tired of life but oh wells this was really a weekend getaway where i really felt happy to be alive haha. (: so honestly i guess it doesn't really matter what you do at outings, but it's the company that matters. and cos i love all of you so much, even if we just nua and slack and srsly don't do anything at all, i can still feel like i'm enjoying every moment of it (: haha with some other people, i would probably just feel like they're wasting shitloads of my time. and in drastic situations i'd feel like they're wasting craploads of my
life. hahaha xD
haha so anyway, after nua-ing awhile we went for dinner, shared some dishes hehe (: it was really nice cos it was a large round table and it felt like we were one big happy family hehe xD and omg, stuart is really scared of cats, it's hilarious :O hahahha xD and i like how shuch is so nice to animals haha, like how he fed the cat that was really persistent in coming around to our table every few minutes haha ((:
after dinner we went swimming! :D there was a wedding reception going on at the pool haha, and the food at the reception looked quite yummy! :D haha i think the pool is quite pretty too, it actually looks a bit like the one at MBS haha, prob cos of the glass railing (: pretty! :D haha (: so we nua-ed some more, and slacked around in the jacuzzi, talking cock and splashing water at each other LOL. just like little kids i swear (: or "bunch of retards" as i so mentioned in my bday speech hahaha xD
haha then we went to wash up and nua somemore in the room haha :D played cards and had supper and drinks hehe (: omg bacardi rum is so expensive la, one bottle 76 bucks?! but i like the taste haha yums (: anw skoh is really funny when he's high omggg it's a hilarious sight that i'll prob never ever forget for the rest of my life lol!! xD and omg we had prata for supper and it was hilarious how we poured curry into a huge beer mug cos there was no where else to put the curry omggg. and then there was so much excess curry we wanted to concoct this new drink "bacurry" haha -- bacardi mixed with curry hehehe LOL. i bet anyone who drinks it will confirm lao sai like hell the next day omg.
then some of us stayed up quite late until like 6 am. HEH. super late right omggg i swear this is the latest i've stayed up!! :O hehe cos we were playing truth or truth hehe (cos it's a bit inconvenient to do any dares at this sort of ungodly hour) and yeah so we learnt quite a lot of interesting stuff about each other (: i like how we're so comfortable with each other that we can answer all these paiseh questions without feeling awkward or what. hahah ((:
then we slept like pigs until afternoon time omg, then nua-ed somemore (watching tv and rolling on the bed omg ) hahaha xD oh and i had a little htht session with marg and jn too (: thanks girls for listening! :D then went to check out (: and some of us went to jco donuts at tampines mall for a light afternoon snack (: hehe then after that we took a long train ride home, and jn ah ma alighted at novena with me and we had dinner together at tcc! (: 1 for 1 pasta yayy omg i love gss (((:
and i love talking to jn too, she is srsly very understanding and a very good listener. ((: i like! :D haha i usually always feel better after talking to her (: haha and like what she said "you don't judge a driver by how many times he has taken his driving test before he passes" so similarly, it doesn't matter how long it takes for me to pass tests in sch (: haha nice analogy lol :D
and yes ok i think it's prob time for me to sleep soon haha, i'm running on severe lack of sleep hehhh (: but we should totally do this again anw! (: had loads of fun with you all :D i really really hope we'll still be this close in future heh, cos it'll be such a waste to drift away from a tight knit group of firiends like you all ((: